By Erica Nicole Carrasco, Achy Smile blogger.
We know that “love, tonight no, my head hurts” is a big topic about women and sex. But on the other hand, every woman is different and although on the internet we find many articles that talk about sex removing migraine, that does not have to be true, if not the opposite.
For some, sex is a relief for headache and migraine, for others, not so much. In addition, there is a diagnosis for both women and men with migraine triggered by the sex known as coital headache. You can know more here .
I can only speak from my own experience about sex and migraine pain. I’m not in the category of “Let’s have sex! I have a migraine! “With a smile on my face. When my husband gives me that “look”, I shudder inside. I know that I love him, and I want to spend an intimate, exciting and loving moment with him. But I also know that I will not enjoy it completely because sex is a migraine trigger at this time. My chronic migraine is sometimes triggered by muscle contractions due to physical activity and high heart rate (all that sex has). What do you do in such cases?
At the moment, my husband and I are working on the logistics of sex. How sexy is that! I’m not willing to sacrifice ever having sex again for fear of a migraine, no matter how disabling. Believe me, migraine is beyond a painful experience. Migraine is a neurological disease, which is much more than a throbbing pain in the head. With migraine comes a series of symptoms that may include: pain in the nerves of the eye and face, muscle tension and knots, dizziness and / or vertigo, vomiting, nausea, double and / or blurred vision, inability to speak correctly (aphasia) ), unilateral muscle weakness (hemiparesis) and more.
I speak more about my migraine insecurities in my blog: Achy Smile .
These are the methods that I have found to have a pleasant sexual experience and thus not avoid sex for fear of pain:
- Take pain medication We do not have sex every day (or even more than once a week!) Because sex sometimes triggers migraine, so taking pain medication is not a difficult decision for me. However, it must be borne in mind that they can also cause side effects. My decision to take analgesics about 30 minutes before having sex. Sex is definitely a benefit that overcomes the possible side effects for me.
- Use lubrication. It takes some time for the previous games to take effect. Think about it, the preliminaries are based kisses, caresses, touch and move your body in many glorious ways. All this negatively affects the muscles of my jaw, neck, shoulders, hips and back. Kissing is one of our favorite activities and now it’s something we do not do often because I can not stand it for a long time due to jaw pain. Because the previous games that we are used to are no longer easy for me, we need external lubrication. And it is not only the lack of previous ones, it is also a help because many times I find it difficult to find a good position. By the time I’m “ready” it’s almost as if we have to start over. Who has time for that!
- Comfort. You will laugh, but seriously I try different positions to find the most comfortable for my hips. Keep in mind that I am 38 years old, so any position should be comfortable. Unfortunately, migraine is not my only health problem. I also have degenerative disc disease and it affects the lower back, hips and legs. As pain is also a trigger for migraine, I have to try different positions (all fun) to find it. Sometimes my husband and I laugh at everything while still having a sexual mood. I think my mobility problems keep our sex life interesting, that’s for sure😉
- Help in positions. Already in full comfort, I sometimes put pillows under my pelvis during the missionary style, if my hips hold the position. If not, I still use pillows to support my body if necessary. I used to feel ashamed to do this. I felt that I was losing my youth because I needed “help” to maintain a certain position for more than a few seconds at a time. I’m not exaggerating when I say “seconds.” Sometimes it’s frustrating to find the rhythm and have to shout “Stop” because you can no longer hold the position any longer. In addition to the “domestic” pillows, there are also cushions made especially for sex that are available in stores and online. I’m planning to make that purchase soon because sex is getting harder as time goes by.
- Get sexy!I know from experience that it’s hard to feel sexy when you have to pay attention to how your body moves or how a single touch can be painful. There comes a time when my mind does not allow me to concentrate solely on how my body feels sexually. Sometimes it takes me a long time to reach orgasm sometimes because I can not concentrate on just sex; I worry how this position can hurt or that position can cause injuries. I wish I could stop thinking about all the above and just feel calm and stay in the moment. Sometimes we do not finish, we have to stop, because of the pain. It’s heartbreaking because all I want to do is please my husband and be satisfied. It is a sexual and psychological war. But the “sexy” is not alone in the eye of the beholder, it is a state of mind within you,
All these tips may seem strange, but they are effective. I learned a lot about my body and what I need sexually. Together with my husband, we are finding what everyone can do to make sex pleasurable. Sometimes I fight and I get over the pain. Other times, even if you want, it’s too much. I say “I’m sorry” too much and should not. My husband knows it, he does not blame me. I know it is my insecurity to speak and some guilt over my inability to participate in more natural sexual activities. But every day I am learning to love myself despite my disability. And sex is also part of this healing process.
About the author
Erica Nicole Carrasco is a blogger from Midland, Texas, who now lives in Fayetteville, North Carolina. She helps her husband, Stephen, to raise their two teenage children, Marissa and Noah, in a life of chronic pain and neurological symptoms. Her daughter, who also lives with the migraine disease, is a high school student who is learning to thrive with Erica at her side. In her blog, Achy Smile, Erica talks about migraine and other chronic diseases.Erica is learning how to let go and find a new purpose through the fight against migraine. Recently, Erica shared the stage with leading women in the healthcare industry and talked about her life with migraine at BlogHer, an annual blog conference for SheKnows Media. With a sincere and open dialogue, Erica is an advocate of Speak Your Migraine Network and tells the story of a migraine living together with her husband traveling in the United States. Together they discuss how their family life is and how important is the defense for the migraine community. Achy Smile is a member of the American Migraine Foundation.